Isolation

Cheers to NEW BEGINNINGS! Thank God for seeing me to a new state and allowing me a new start. Houston,TX is nothing like Mississippi and so far that’s proving to be both a good thing and bad thing. I mean it’s exciting, fast,diverse, HUGE; it’s true when they say “everything’s bigger in Texas!” My salary increased (we gon’ talk about tithing), I was living in a nicer apartment, things were really falling into place I would say. What I was learning in this season was that prayer and fasting were real,patience was virtue, and God had a way of working everything in my favor, always. I can’t count the number of times I’ve been messaged about ‘the glow up’ on social media since I’ve moved, and my response is always the same, God IS the glow up! And there’s always the side social media doesn’t see-I was lonely behind the pictures.

If you read the first post “Faith Move” you may recall me mentioning losing friends and other obstacles that came with this move (resilience entry coming soon). Before moving I had never been to Houston,TX, I didn’t have any close friends here, no immediate family, just me. Luckily, the season of fasting and praying that got me here taught me the power of prayer and I felt prepared for pretty much anything, because this next season would be probably one of the hardest I’ve ever dealt with-for many reasons. Not even a month after moving, I started to experience some anxiety about being in Houston alone, I missed my family! My job and co-workers had been great with helping me adjust, but they weren’t the co-workers I had grown close to back home. I was only a few weeks in, but time was sailing by smoothly and it felt like months. Tuesday, October 15, 2019, I got a text message at work that took breath from my body:

“…Ma Lois is not doing good… I hate to tell you while you are at work,

but they are expecting her to pass today or tomorrow…

I’m sorry, but I didn’t want to not tell you.”

My heart stopped! My great grandmother would be gone soon? Was God serious? You brought me to Texas just to do this? Really God? How dare God move me 8 hours away from my family just to do such a thing. Or was this my punishment for moving? Had I neglected my family? I booked the first flight home and drove myself to the airport SCREAMING at God,”DO NOT TAKE HER FROM ME BEFORE I GET HOME! God don’t do this!” It was the longest drive ever and I can just remember being so angry at God. I had JUST started to get settled and now this? He’s a faithful God, so I was able to make it home and spend her last hours beside her, which gave me a great deal of peace, but it didn’t make losing her any easier. I now had a ton of resentment towards God! I stopped praying. Note that prayer is important to God and in this season, I didn’t feel like I owed Him that. I didn’t want to talk. Aside from that, my heart wasn’t postured towards God at this time. That’s probably not something most would admit to, but thank God for His mercy. I was devastated though,I felt like this was just a low blow from God right after moving me so far from my family. I didn’t understand it. [Practical step for those seeking understanding-don’t stop praying-pray more. Proverbs 3:5] Being away from family after such a tough loss made it worse because now I was isolated and grieving. I think I stayed angry with God for about a month and a half maybe. I remember going home for Thanksgiving and Christmas and having the best time with my family, being happy, my heart being full. I think that was one of the first times I had felt a sense of peace after losing my [great] grandmother. I felt her give me a sense of peace, so it gave me the urge to run back to God and make peace with Him.

in isolation — without relation to other people or things; separately.

Not only had God taken my great grandmother almost immediately after moving me to a new state, but before I moved I had to endure the loss of friendship(s). When I made a decision to isolate while fasting and praying, it meant that certain friends would feel as if I was “plotting in silence.” While I was, I wasn’t doing it to be spiteful and I NEVER expected it to cost me friendships that I had for years prior. I was moving to a new state with no friends, so the most I needed was to have reliable friends back home that I could call on, right? Wrong. I was forced out of relationships I expected to last a lifetime. Things were literally falling apart without reason; it didn’t make sense that I would be walking into this new exciting chapter without the people I loved. To lose my grandmother after starting to make peace with my move, I literally could not make sense of what God was doing. It wasn’t until after some much needed alone time with God that I was able to recognize the reason for such a sad, lonely season. Here’s what I learned-God will make you REAL uncomfortable to get you where He intends on you being [Jeremiah 29:11]. God said to me, ”they can’t go where I’m taking you. This journey will be personal!” A lot of the relationships that God had to force me out of, I would have never left on my own. Thus, I would never have been able to make the ‘faith move.’ God knew that. I prayed for my faith to be shaken up and He did just that. He made me question everything I had ever really known, which made me super uncomfortable. He did this to promote me to a new level of comfort that I hadn’t pictured-both physically and spiritually. Moral of the story, God isolates to elevate!

When we think of isolation, we don’t usually think of sunshine and rainbows-isolation can be ugly! It forces you to look in the mirror and face some truths about yourself. You start to question why you aren’t considered for certain things or why you don’t “fit in” anymore. You start to see conversations change and relationships drift apart with little explanation as to why. But even more, isolation forces you to spend time with God, to cry out to Him, and allow Him to speak to you. Isolation forces healing to begin, which allows for beautiful progression. It promotes self-love! There are days where I spend most of my time listening to worship music, talking to God, asking Him to make this particular season make sense. I spend my alone time speaking life into myself and reminding myself that it’s all intentional, all of it. Per usual, God provides His reassurance. During my alone season God has been able to show me different relationships and situations that He’s brought me from and exactly what I was supposed to learn from them. This type of dialogue with God only comes when you have a clear mind and heart set on hearing from Him. I don’t want to say I don’t have friends, because I certainly do, amazing ones at that. But, I am still isolated in the sense that I’m walking a different path. I’ve decided to let God have His way in my life. Thus, I am forced to spend a lot of time with God in order to find fulfillment; and I’m never really alone.

If you’re wondering how to make the best of an isolated season, my advice is to seek your purpose in that season. I don’t have all the answers, but for me, figuring out why I’m here is giving me fulfillment in this isolated period. I’ve also taken this time to look at how I handle relationships, family, friends. Like I said, isolation is just a time for self-analysis. Solidify your relationship with Him during this time. As I reflect, I realize that sometimes God takes a backseat to my friendships and other relationships-He’s a jealous God, so this isolation is rightfully His time. I owe it to Him. I think that when I am out of this isolation season I will have prioritized God and no relationship will allow me to stray from Him.