Alignment.
I pride myself on always being extremely transparent with my readers, but this blog may really be the most vulnerable I’ve ever been out loud-
As a 26-year old, single, Black woman in America, can you imagine what my biggest fear might be? What keeps me awake at night? Well, to sum it up. . it’s a little of this and a little of that. It’s a mix of not knowing if I’ll get married, thinking I’ll end up alone, wondering if I’m too work-consumed, wondering where my career’s journey is going to land me. It’s the fear that my grandparents won’t get to experience me building a family or get the chance to love on my children. It’s the constant thought that I’m “rushed for time.” (A joke, because God is the restorer of time!) It’s the lack of control in situations that absolutely drives me insane. As I struggled to finish this entry, I spent a bunch of time praising and worshiping until a little light bulb illuminated in my mind. The anxiety that I constantly find myself at war with stems from a variety of different places, but there’s one common denominator- uncertainty. #GodIGetIt
From childhood we’re taught to have a plan, and not just a plan, but a Plan A, B, and even C- just in case. What no one prepares us for is that moment in adulthood where everything we’ve planned either hasn’t happened by the time we planned for it to, or the plan just totally failed and took a few left turns. Either way, we aren’t prepared for the uncertainty that this brings-
In the chapter I’m currently in, things are extremely ambiguous. Nothing makes sense and everything is uncomfortable. I’m just days away from Chapter 27 and I’m currently questioning every life plan I ever made for myself. I find myself constantly being asked by God, “can you exemplify crazy faith? When you ask Me to speak, will you listen when I answer? Can you stay focused and starve your distractions?” In the last year alone, I’ve experienced a ton of career highs, and recently some careers no’s that felt like the lowest of lows. I’ve struggled to feel fulfilled even in what looked like some of the best seasons of my life. I’ve celebrated big wins and been forced to accept even bigger losses. So what am I left to make of such a season? How do I find peace in the now and not worry so much about the future? Where can I find rest in the midst of so much uncertainty? I mean- we’re living in a pandemic for goodness sake. One that we really can’t predict when it will end. How does God propose we live without anxiety, without fear, without worry- when we seem to be surrounded by them all simultaneously?
The simple answer is that He wants us to live in faith, faith the size of a mustard seed. He tells us to cast our worries unto Him. He says that not even the birds in the skies worry about what they will eat, so why should we? When we dig deeper into His word, we find that faith and certainty cannot co-exist. If we say that we are believers and followers of Christ, we must be prepared to walk by faith AND NOT BY SIGHT. This means that even in our darkest of hours, we must make a conscious decision that we will trust God, even when it just doesn’t make sense. Even without the money in our bank account or the job that we just knew would be ours. Even then, will you trust Him? I find it easier to do this when I dwell on His previous works. I take time to be reminded of what He’s done before and it makes it just a little bit easier to look forward to what He can and will do. But this still isn’t to say that fear and doubt won’t come, because they will! And this is where it’s important to be grounded and not shaken by tricks of the enemy. Instead, I’ve learned to be vulnerable with God- “God I’m scared, but I trust You. God this really makes no sense, but I trust You. God this was nowhere in my plans, but I’m trusting you. God I don’t see how or when You’re going to step in, but I’m trusting You.”
When I allowed myself to be vulnerable and keep it all the way real with God, our relationship was strengthened. I found myself up and down emotionally, but somehow ALWAYS perfectly aligned with what it was God wanted me to learn in that moment. I would see things happen in the flesh and later find confirmation in His word that revealed certain truths. Most often these confirmations were Biblical analogies that would relate to a real-life scenario I had just experienced. It doesn’t get too much more real than that!
It was in these small truths and revelations that I learned to see God in His fullness. I learned that even in times of uncertainty, the one thing to be certain of-was that I was aligned with God! All I needed to do was obey and let Him lead, there was nothing for me to plan or figure out.
To be in alignment with God is to be exactly where He would have us, in that moment. To have our hearts and minds open to receiving a word from Him when we least expect it. Sometimes that looks like ending the relationship, or starting the business without a real plan, or giving to someone in need when we feel we don’t have it to give. No matter what the situation, God always makes way for it to make sense in the long run. It’s up to us to believe that He will!
As for me and my worries, I still have them. I still find myself overwhelmed with the “what-if” thoughts at times. But even so, I thank God for small revelations that remind me that I’m where He wants me to be at this moment. I’m uncomfortable some days, but nonetheless grateful to be in a space where I can hear from Him. I find comfort in the certainty that while I may not know what’s next for me, He does. And it’s not my job to worry about the where, the when, or even the how. It’s my job to allow Him to lead, trust that He is faithful to His promises, and that He knows what’s best for me and when. His alignment over my idea of a “life plan” any day!
While every blog post posted here is meant to create a safe-space for others experiencing a similar journey, I want to challenge readers with this one. I want to encourage readers to figure out where God is asking them to be more vulnerable and honest-with themselves or others. Where He is asking them to obey. For me, it’s been a life-changing experience to simply OBEY God, no matter what that looks like. I challenge you all to get into alignment with God and fight with everything in your power to stay within that alignment. This includes fostering intimate moments with God and creating a safe space to be vulnerable with Him. Remember that to be aligned is to be where God would have us in that moment. To be out of alignment with Him is to be in a state of chaos and confusion. What better joy than to be in a space God created specifically for you?
